The manipulation of supervision - radically honest, naive

Over the years, the very most important thing I have done is develop a support network that I'm not scared of.

I remember, well, at the beginning of my career, feeling the paranoia that comes with scrutiny models of leadership. I was worried about being exposed as a Bad Therapist even though, rationally, I consider myself to be a person of personal integrity and, crucially, someone who loves loves loves this work and consciously chooses to do it!

Work that made no acknowledgement of my personal commitment to justice doing, and instead wanted to separate my work from who I was as a person.

I've worked in settings that felt patriarchal and infantalising - that didn't seem to trust me to make good ethical decisions, and removed any autonomy and creativity from my process.

I've had supervision where I felt my identity wasn't acknowledged, or safe. Safe practice was the cornerstone but... safety as defined by whom, and serving what?

And so, of course, I couldn't rest into the supervision enough to be vulnerable in all my edges. It just didn't go deep enough, it couldn't ever be magic enough, to really stretch into the work I knew I wanted to do.

So I simply have no judgment of people who feel they need to lie or hold back in supervision, because I can see exactly the conditions under which that feel a very necessary thing to do. We hold back when we're worried about experiencing shame or judgment, or when we feel unsafe. In those circumstances, it's a survival instinct to just show what we believe will be accepted.

This is another way in which I felt robust to offer supervision, and it's a cornerstone of my therapeutic practice - when I say I'm non-judgmental... I mean it. When I say I want to get curious and compassionate and exploratory... I mean it. I want to be in solidarity with each other, always looking to be aligned with our ethics, always looking to bring our work back to the values that matter most deeply to us.

'We move at the speed of trust' - my favourite adrienne maree brown quote, that informs every therapeutic relationship I create. So too with supervision, we create deep root systems that support us when we have to do difficult things. Have challenging conversations, or dig into the little tangles of practice. Those are opportunities to strengthen our practice and feel more capable and robust, not to feel shame and stuckness. At the same time, you are entitled to keep your own counsel - you're entitled to your privacy. There's often no space for this in supervision models - it's seen as withholding, or suspicious. But I see it as an opportunity for discernment - the skill of balancing what we make public, and what we keep to ourselves, and our motivation for these choices.

I used to be a chef, and I remember different kinds of kitchens. There were the types of kitchens that were run by Head Chefs intent on punishment and sadistic pleasure; the types of chefs (naming no names!) who would get sadistic pleasure from watching people make an error, and use it as an opportunity for humiliation. Led by ego, they would create cultures that might get good results, but only through fear and intimidation - yet another dominator hierarchy.

And there were the type of chefs who would encourage and support - who would, if they looked across the kitchen and saw you doing something that could be improved - come over and lead by example, give instruction, share expertise. Their standards were still high, their expectations were clear, their results were excellent, but they worked in partnership and they were decent and respectful. The kitchens were harmonious, productive and, even twenty years later, have left a mark on me. Those were the very best kitchens, and the very best leaders - thank you, Angela Hartnett.

That kind of partnership environment meant I wasn't scared to make mistakes, or ask for advice, or learn on the go, and it's the environment that is so important in supervision. Yes, the stakes are high - we have a responsibility in our work that is profound and joyful. And, so, yes, we deserve high quality supervision that encourages us to stretch and grow, to deepen the skill and intention of our practice, to encourage us and stimulate us. But also to respect us as practitioners - to honour our calling as healers, to anticipate skill in us, and desire to learn. Aiming for that balance as a supervisor, the environment is established for you to be radically honest, boldly unfinished, truly present.

Wishing you safety and joy

Vicky