Fat Bubble: Júlia Del Bianco
Welcome back to the Fat Bubble, where every week I share your very own digest of fat culture, fat leaders and fat resources, along with some insights from me, your friendly fat therapist!
Last week, I went for two maintenance health appointments - one with my podiatrist, to have my gait analysed, and one with my osteopath. For a long time, I learned to be complicit in the neglect of the care of my body - avoiding healthcare, avoiding medical appointments, and avoiding care appointments that could lead back to weight loss advice and judgment.
But in my own healing, and the healing I hope for for all fat people, I moved from apology to entitlement. I am entitled to care - compassionate, respectful, loving care. Care that facilitates health; care that facilitates accommodation. Of course, I live in this world, and I know that we don't always get what we deserve. It's protective to avoid situations in which we will be mistreated. And, whilst I'm fat, I also benefit from structurally enabled advantages - I'm white, educated, non-disabled; these things all get me closer to the likelihood of safe and dignified care. But it is something we all deserve, and I share these stories as hope that we can move towards a world in which we all create affirming healthcare connections.
I went to the podiatrist for new orthotics, my previous ones being over fifteen years old and needing both replacement, and also new consideration - my feet have grown by a size as an adult, and has my gait changed? My old ones were pink, fitted by a lovely lovely man who also worked with the English National Ballet, and I still remember how flushed I got when he suggested pink ones, 'like the ballerinas have'. I was 24, fat, and extremely unused to my body being compared, in any way, to that of a ballet dancer. And I think that memory was so precious that it sustained me for a long time, and even when the orthotics were clearing looking a bit passed their prime, I was a little tardy in seeking out a new practitioner in my area.
But, needs must, and so last week I found myself in a room where my feet were scanned and my gait was measured, I walked over a pressure pad, on a treadmill, and generally had my feet examined, and it was... surprisingly moving. My legs, both badly broken in a car accident many many years ago, still sustain me in life and adventures, and body movement and rest. My feet, pronated, have adapted to their circumstances, and found ways to recalibrate. Considering the highly sophisticated, subliminal, engineering of our wonderful bodies - my wonderful fat body - was enough to make me almost cry in that poor podiatrist's office. But I carry with me the ghosts of healthcare appointments past, when my body was not respected, and it's marvellous capabilities were dismissed. No wonder that when I'm in an environment that supports me in connecting with the magic survival of my fat body, I'm moved to tears.
God, it makes me mad. It makes me mad, and sad, to think of how much magic our bodies have been denied. We are made of freakin' stardust, and yet we're conditioned to feel our bodies are something less that awe-inspiring. My body, and it's ability to heal and survive and find solutions and adjust and continue, is a body to be cherished and celebrated, and so is yours. So is every single body. Man, are we missing the point when we focus on weight loss, rather than sheer wonder at how we're made.
The other maintenance appointment I had was with my trusted osteopath, who I've been seeing for fifteen years, on and off, for maintenance for a bad back. He has proved himself, again and again, to be a weight neutral and friendly professional, and he's supported me through pregnancies, injury, and general ageing. He's never made assumptions, he's been friendly and kind. I look forward to seeing him, and I like the feeling of being cared for - I like the way he makes me feel supported and held. And he once said to me, a couple of months ago, 'our bodies don't hold grudges'. Well, reader, I nearly cried again! What a thing to hear - a fat person, always fat and Team Stay Fat, being reminded that no matter what happens to our body - by accident or our own intention - will never be thrown in our face by our own beloved body. Our body is just ready to meet us, time and time and time again.
I'm always thoughtful when I share details of my own stories, but I share these with you today because it feels so important to think about how health, and care, is denied to us in a real and lived way. And, every now and again, when we find thoughtful practitioners, how revolutionary the healing can be - to be tried respectfully, neutrally, or even celebrated - for healing, adaption, survival, thriving. Let this infuse your own fat bubble - that fat bodies are beyond words wonderful.
As a resource this week, let's journey back to the memory of me, in my 20s, and the brief comparison to the prima ballerinas of the English National Ballet. It was intoxicating to me because it was rare, to even consider myself in the same sentence as those beautiful (small bodied) talented dancers. But ballet is an activity and an art form, not a body type, and we must remind ourselves of that. One beautiful account I love to follow is Júlia Del Bianco. It will always thrill me to see the possibilities of fat bodies; so often denied to us by social stereotypes. I love love love to see bigger bodies in movement, and watching Júlia is mesmerising. I hope you will seek out her work, and enjoy.
Until next time, friends, wishing you safety and joy.
Disclaimer: All photos used in this article are sourced from Julia. They are used for illustrative purposes only and do not belong to the author unless otherwise stated.